Loving Without Losing Myself – A Reflection on Detachment & Leadership

Like many of us, I came across a post on social media that stopped me in my tracks. It spoke about detachment—not the cold or distant kind, but the kind that allows you to love deeply without losing yourself.

“I became dependent on their presence and attention, which only caused me to lose my sense of self and my worth… Detachment was losing the fear that someone may leave me.”

Reading that, I realised I was relearning a lesson I thought I’d already grasped. But this time, it wasn’t about personal relationships. It was about my relationship to the collective I’ve been building.

In the past, I’ve held tightly to relationships out of fear—fear of abandonment, of being misunderstood, of being left. Now, I’m seeing similar patterns surface through my role as founder of Alkebulan Makers Collective.

When members disengage or things go quiet, I feel it deeply. I wonder if I’m not doing enough. I fear the whole project will be dismissed or forgotten. And I start to question: Am I attaching my worth to the responses of others?

The truth is, people will come and go. Life changes. Priorities shift. And that doesn’t mean the vision is broken. It means the vision is evolving—and so am I.

I’m learning to love the collective, to give my all to it, without gripping it so tightly that its growth becomes suffocating.

As founders, especially of community or cultural spaces, we pour so much of ourselves into what we’re building. And when people leave, or things don’t go as planned, it can feel like a personal failure.

But detachment reminds us that our value doesn’t lie in outcomes or approval. It lies in our consistency, our integrity, and our ability to keep showing up—whether the room is full or not.

If you’re navigating change, or feeling the fear of “what if they leave?”—you’re not alone.

Let detachment be your anchor. Not to pull you away, but to keep you steady in the storm.

You are still whole. Still worthy. Still building something beautiful

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